Short Version Testimony 2025

 Before Christ:

I was searching for someone—or anything—that could prove I was worth being born. As a little girl, my mother’s words—“I wish you were never born”—cut deep. They didn’t just hurt; they became a foundation I unknowingly built my identity on. Even into adulthood, those words echoed in my mind and heart, shaping how I saw myself. And truthfully, they still try to creep in sometimes

I grew up believing I didn’t belong—that I was a burden and didn’t even deserve to be alive. That belief took root in me after my mother, in her own brokenness, once said, “I wish you were never born.” Those words became a dark foundation that influenced how I saw myself and how I lived. I carried the weight of emotional trauma that was never mine to carry—pain my mother passed on to me as though I caused it just by existing.

My mom believed in God, but the version she taught me was punishing and fear-based. I didn’t learn about a loving Father—I learned to fear Him. So I grew up confused and afraid: How could a God who supposedly made me… also hate me? Why would He create me if I was just a mistake?

I adopted some of the same toxic behaviors I was exposed to—narcissism, selfishness, emotional immaturity, and constant fear. I was spiritually lost and emotionally heavy. My mind believed the lies, but deep down, my heart was always searching for something, anything, to prove them wrong.

Part 2: HOW YOU MET CHRIST

How I Met Christ:

My journey to Jesus wasn’t instant—it was a slow, painful road filled with depression and disappointment. I had spent my whole life looking for someone or something to prove I was lovable just for existing. But no one ever could. Every person I turned to had their own brokenness—selfishness, trauma, fear—just like my mom. So they hurt me too. And with each passing year, that wound in my heart got deeper. My depression got heavier. It was like the enemy was determined to confirm the lies I already believed: that I didn’t belong here.

And then it happened—what should have been the end of my story became the moment God wrote a new beginning. After overdosing on GHB (the date rape drug), something I used in an attempt to “stop existing,” I should have died. But God literally brought me back to life. And I knew—without a single doubt—that it was Him. Not the doctors. Not the machines. God. My spirit had never been so sure of anything in my life.

That moment shattered the lie of a punishing God. I finally saw Him not as a judge waiting to condemn me—but as a Father who had been chasing after my heart all along. He rescued me not just from the overdose, but from the belief that I was unworthy of love. He reminded me that He decided I should be born. He put purpose in me before I was even formed. All those years I was searching for my worth—He had let me feel that hunger so He could fill it Himself, and so that moment of rescue would bond me to Him forever.

Yes, He had placed people in my life before who tried to point me to Him, but honestly, I couldn’t receive it. My view of humans was too broken. This was a rescue that only God Himself could pull off. And when He did… it changed everything.

What happened in my heart that day is hard to describe. Peace. Love. Joy. Patience. Favor. A sense that He had knit me together in the womb… and died so I could truly live. For someone who once believed their birth was a burden, that moment transformed me into a woman ablaze with love and desire for her Savior.

After Christ:

When I woke up in the hospital, I didn’t open my eyes into a brand new, problem-free life. The reality I had created was still waiting: a drug-addicted boyfriend, friends who were broken like I was, a condo I was about to lose, and children I had lost to CPS. My circumstances hadn’t changed—but I had. Deep in my spirit, there was now something I’d never known before: the presence of Jesus and the unshakable assurance of His love.

Honestly, I asked God directly, “Why did You let me come back?” I wasn’t trying to be disrespectful—I just genuinely couldn’t see how my mess of a life could ever be redeemed. But the Holy Spirit responded in my heart with something I’ll never forget:

“It’s because I DID bring you back that you now get a chance many others never did—to fix what’s broken and make it right. Don’t waste what I’ve done for you.”

That was the turning point. I realized I had been given grit—not just natural tenacity, but God-given grit. The favor and strength He placed inside me became the fuel that pushed me forward. I fought hard in my custody battle—and I won. I secured a job that gave me stability and dignity, something I never had before. God even breathed life back into a love I thought was long gone—He restored my relationship with my now-husband.

The lies still try to come. Feelings of inadequacy still show up. But the difference now is, I know how to fight them—with truth. Every time I’m triggered, it’s another chance to be reminded of what God has already done. His truth is the only one that stands forever, and it’s the one I hold fast to.

Now, I experience God’s love in everything—from the restoration of my family to the chance to serve and lead in the regeneration program at my church. I see His hand over my children—both young and grown—and I know He’s writing their own stories too.

One of the most personal blessings He’s given me? After five boys, He allowed me to give birth to a daughter—a redemption gift that still takes my breath away. I was once a woman who felt unworthy of life, and now I’m a mother who finds purpose in pouring out love.

I just want to please God now. I want to serve others, fulfill my purpose as a Christian woman, and use my story to help people and share the gospel. Maybe through writing books. Maybe through speaking. However He chooses, I know this:

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

Part 4: NOW

Now:

My relationship with Jesus today isn’t perfect—because I still fall short and sin every day—but He is still the only one I know who fully sees me, understands me, and loves me in all my complexity. He knows the good, the bad, and the broken—and He still thought I was worth dying for. That kind of love is unmatched.

To me, He’s not just a Savior. He’s my best friend, my guide, my provider, my protector, my mentor—the only one who always has my best interest at heart. Even when people around me think they’re loving me the right way, He’s the one who actually does—because His love never wounds. It allows. It restores. It gives hope and purpose.

I stay connected to Him by staying in His Word, praying, journaling, and remembering that He—not my church, not my family, not even my husband—is my Rock. When I keep Him first, everything else flows in its rightful order.

Lately, He’s been teaching me how to love Him above everyone and everything else. That no matter how much I love people, they can’t fulfill or satisfy me—only He can. That lesson has opened a deeper dimension of His love for me, and it's been life-changing.

I rely on Him daily through Scripture, devotionals, Bible study, and working through the regeneration program. He’s also been calling me to finish the things I started but never completed. It’s like He’s gently saying, “Let’s finish what we started, together.”

And looking ahead, I’m believing for more. More healing. More growth. More alignment with His will for my life. I trust Him to continue shaping my heart and mind because He knows what I was created for. And when I’m walking in that purpose—when I feel His presence guiding every step—I know I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be.